Your Love Life & Trauma
Your Love Life & Trauma
What's Hidden Has a Way of Coming Out
I’m telling you about my broken arm because I see a parallel between the hidden break and trauma, also hidden, which we carry with us. No one else can see our trauma, but until we find ways to acknowledge it ourself and attempt to heal, we may act in ways that separate us from what we want, in order to protect ourselves, particularly in love relationships. It’s not obvious to a potential partner why we may avoid being vulnerable with them or not risk having an illuminating conversation, for ex. It may not even be obvious to us, we just feel that it’s a scary option so edge away from it.
I believe if you’re brave enough to look at areas in your life where you’re stuck, the best and only way around it is through. And through isn’t as awful as your brain may lead you to believe. Your brain avoids anything it perceives as pain, which it does to keep you safe, but you’ve learned repeating stuck patterns is anything but safe - it’s screwing up your desired life. So, if you keep seeking a fabulous love life, but you happen to pick partners who aren’t really a good fit for you, that could be a key to seeing you are gravitating toward less than healthy partners. ‘Why are they appealing to me’, is the first question to ask yourself.
I broke my arm in early June. Because the position of the bones in the break faced each other (a proximal humeres fracture) I only had to wear a sling for about 3 weeks, not a cast. It typically takes 8 - 12 weeks for a break to heal, though full movement and rebuilt strength can take a year. The doctor wanted me to give up wearing the sling asap because mobility and muscle get more hindered with each day the arm is immobile. I didn’t want to give up the sling because the break still hurt and I felt very vulnerable without it, but I had to to begin to regain movement and strength.
Once the sling was off, people couldn’t tell I had a broken arm, though it still ached chronically. I was very protective of it, fearing someone might run into it (I often walked around a pond where many runners ran) or a friend might forget it was broken and poke me in the arm while telling a story (that did happen 😖) - give expressive speakers a wide berth when you have a broken bone.
I’m noticing I still have fear that someone will accidentally smack into that arm when I’m out walking now, 3+ months later.
Gabor Maté wrote, “trauma is not what happens to you: trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
When you’re ready to have a better relationship, it often begins first with a look inside yourself.
If you don’t want to go it alone and want to go faster, too, I can help you along the way.
To explore working with me:
https://calendly.com/allison_evans/consult-call
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