Why Are Many Great Women Attracted to Unavailable Men?

Specifically Men Who Can't Sustain Relational Depth

Why are accomplished, attractive women attracted to unavailable, sometimes even narcissistic, men?

There are several reasons! But, if you ARE one of the women, please know you can become immune to their siren call.

Let's start at the beginning. There are some men (certainly not all) who appear to want a relationship, and one with you, dear reader, but they know they can't sustain one.

They may be love addicts, they may be actual drug addicts (and keep that hidden),

they may be serial daters who want all the excitement of new dating (love addiction) without any of the long-term commitment and reality that a real relationship, deep connection requires.

The list goes on and on, but essentially they remain like Peter Pan, a boy who never quite becomes a man and takes on the responsibilities of one. Sure, he may have a stable job, which is no indication of his ability to be in a relationship, BTW. Everyone has to eat.

But, my interest and heart is with you - what about you would make that kind of guy appealing? One who is momentarily exciting, has some swagger, but has little relational depth, who can't hang in there after anything of import arises.

I think it can come from numerous causes - maybe you spent much of your time being very career focussed so haven't dated much and don't have enough dating experience to weed out the users.

Or you were married for years to man who turned out to be cheating on you (which you were oblivious to), and now you just want some attention and fun, not caring where "it's going." But you got more involved than you meant to.

Or in your own childhood, your feelings may not have mattered or been made important, so you don't know your own value, don't believe your own value because for god's sake, your own family couldn't see it. But that's on them, not a real reflection of your value - that can take a bit of action on your part to overcome that internalized belief because you may have inhabited it so long that even though it's not true, you're comfortable with it! It's who you know yourself to be.

Or you've become hungry for connection, you thirst for it. The online dating apps can be a long game with quite a few clowns in the mix, so you're grateful to receive attention from a man who's initially appealing, without questioning too deeply why he's pouring it on so thickly. You've heard of love-bombing, but would never in a million years expect it would happen to you, because you're smart. But, emotions often trump intelligence which is why so much advertising is emotion-based.

It can get exhausting to date a guy, thinking it will blossom into more, but that's not happening. It's staying as-is, not deepening, not moving forward.

If any of these are you, I can help you date differently, to become immune to those frustrating men, to open up to the good ones, to finally see them and find them attractive, too. While also seeing through the unavailable guys quickly, not wasting any more time on them.

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If you’d like my help, schedule a call so we can discuss what’s possible for you.

To schedule a 30 min Zoom with me: https://calendly.com/allison_evans/consult-call