What's Blocking You From Being in a Happy Relationship Now?
I stood in my own way.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right.” - Henry Ford.
Quite often your beliefs were formed from something you experienced when you were much younger. You may have made meaning of an experience at a young age, not even remembering that.
What if you're still believing what you picked up when you were 5 or 6, but what you're believing most certainly isn’t accurate?
I ran away from home when I was 4. I packed my doll's suitcase, and took my doll to a bigger road, the main road my neighborhood sat off of. I sat on my suitcase by the side of the road. When I got bored sitting there, I went back home. When I got home, no one had noticed I was gone, so I made meaning of that story that I was not loved. I carried that story around with me for a long time, confirming it by making crappy choices in partners or in not fully showing up myself with partners. To be honest, I had a fairly critical mother, so I often didn’t feel I was loved. But, I knew my father and his mother loved me because they expressed their love for me affectionately.
Beliefs are often self fulfilling prophecies. In reality, I wasn't gone very long when I ran away, and there were 2 other young children in my family - my parents were busy and didn’t notice my absence. This was before helicopter parenting was a thing. I was more of a free-range kid, lol. I doubt my story meant what I made it mean, that I wasn’t loved, therefore not lovable.
But, I went on to look for confirmation of that belief, and I found it. To be clear, I wasn’t consciously doing this. If you’re looking for specific meaning, for your own bias, consciously or unconsciously, you will certainly find it.
Look at all of the Q-Anon people who now believe the Covid vaccines have a GPS tracker in them. They look for “information” to confirm their beliefs - they aren’t looking to science to disprove it as utter nonsense. Maybe they have a fear of needles, science and medicine so cling to their beliefs to feel safe so they don’t risk getting the vaccine? I don’t know. In reality, they’re risking death being unvaccinated (that’s much riskier if you look at deaths from covid). I do know I was doing something similar. I was confirming what I thought to be true, not risking looking deeper because I feared it was true. I couldn’t consciously see that I was proving I was not lovable to myself, when in fact I was.
What if you could free yourself from your old relationship patterns? If you could, what does your future self look like? Write about it, because you have to be able to see it, to envision it, to move towards it. You can only have what you’ll let yourself have.
If you want more for yourself, I can help guide you, with safety and accountability, in my 2 month program.
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