Discover more from Relationship Matters
The Difficulty of Receiving Love
In other words, why wouldn't you be a member of a club that would have you?
Janice rejected men who were interested in her as "not interesting, too nice." Why?
She thought she had to EARN love, that love wasn't simply given. She had difficulty receiving what she didn't work to get.
She hadn't earned their love, so rejected the men who were interested in her because "they couldn't possibly like
her simply for being her," she said.
With the help of a coach she learned she tried to win the attention and affection of men who were not available
because their lack of availability / interest mirrored her childhood caregivers lack of emotional presence for her!
As a teen, Janice was always hoping to be understood, acknowledged and loved by her family, but they were too busy, or immature, to notice..
This new understanding was a turning point for Janice.
So the unavailable men's lack of interest felt NORMALIZED for her,
but also VERY FRUSTRATING
because she deeply longed for a loving connection with a partner, NOT what had been modeled in her family of origin.
She began to practice receiving, allowing herself to be given to: a door held for her, a coffee, a thoughtful gesture - small things to begin to learn to receive, and to focus on being deserving exactly as she was. Nothing had to be earned.
After that, she began asking for small things, picking out a man and asking his help with reaching something in a store, etc. Ways to ask for small things and have it be fun.
Then she began to focus on receiving from men she felt were good men - those she had dismissed before as "too nice, not interesting enough."
The world opened up - she was no longer attracted to men who couldn't show up fully - they now looked like too much work for little return, but lots of heartache. The men who couldn’t be there, but were charming - now she could see through them. It was like living a new life, because she was seeing things quite differently.
Your love life can positively shift in the direction you want when you decide to take action.
I can help you get there much faster, with weekly meetings for 3 to 6 months.
That’s it! What are you waiting for?
If you’d like my help, schedule a call so we can discuss what’s possible for you.
To schedule a 30 min Zoom with me: https://calendly.com/allison_evans/consult-call
Thanks for reading Relationship Matters! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.