My Story of Loss
Loss is universal, but my brother's death was preventable.
Scott, I miss you. It's the first anniversary of my brother's death. It's been a tough year trying to accept that he's gone. I won't hear him loudly say my name as a statement with exclamation points in the pitch of his voice when playing cards together. I won't tease him again. He won’t give me his smile, or look at me where I felt truly seen. He left too soon. I didn't know how lonely I'd feel without him being here.
He should be here.
I love the woman's hand on top of his head in the photo. It’s a sweet gesture. It was some years after college, when he graduated with a medical tech degree from MCV (now VCU).
He was overly medicated by a hospital after having a fall. I’d found him at his place. He was conscious and walking when he went to the hospital, but within several days of entering the hospital, he was unconscious. We thought he had had a stroke while there. It took awhile for him to get an MRI there to find out there was no stroke (unbeknownst to us, he was on too many meds). We didn't know they had put him on extra drugs - no one told us, his family! For ex., they had him on THREE epilepsy drugs, when what he had taken most of his life was fine. His PCP, who dealt with his epilepsy, later told us three of those drugs would make one catatonic! Scott was put on other drugs he'd never taken before, too! That went on and on, till he was moved to a nursing home, because he wasn’t getting better. The nursing home continued giving him the drugs the hospital recommended. 🤯
He was never awake enough to talk with any coherence.
My mother moved him to a different nursing home after a nurse told her, “to get him out of here if you want to help him!” In the next nursing home, we had to get power of medical attorney to get control of the drugs, otherwise we had no say, were helpless to change anything. It's crazy - he was our loved one, but we couldn't take control. It took months. He was in charge of his health, but was mostly unconscious.
When we finally got him off of the drugs, it took over a month to get the drugs out of his system. He was more awake, several times stopping that nursing home from giving him the old drugs we had stopped. He hadn't walked for months, and could no longer walk.
The nursing home was collecting money - so it was working for them. $$
He hated being there, wanted out, but kept his spirits up. My mother and sister visited him often, too, which helped immensely. He didn't want anyone else to see him in that state, which was sad, because I believed they would've lifted his spirits, too. I know he thought he’d get out of there, then he’d see people he’d missed.
Then Medicare took him off of Physical Therapy, they said he wasn't improving. My sister got him reinstated on PT, then finally Medicare halted it again, said again he wasn't improving. I've since heard they do this regularly as a matter of course - to save money, even if it’s untrue. It's heartbreaking 💔 to cut people off to save money.
Scott must have thought he'd never get out of there after no more PT, so he stopped eating and drinking. He’d given up. He died soon after.
I'd visited him in late March/ early April and he was in good spirits. But, after receiving that news of no more PT in April, he was gone by April 17, 2024. 😭
I sent a certified letter to all 6 of his doctors at Johnston-Willis hospital in Chesterfield, VA, where this all started, telling them what had happened because of their actions, how it had diminished his life, and contributed to his death. My beloved brother, people! Can you hear me? I have so much rage and heartbreak around this.
I didn’t expect to hear back from any of them, but I wanted them to make a conscious effort to not let this happen again. I think they’re caught up in a busy system, too, going on to the next patient, never looking backwards. It’s a systemic failure, that’s not specific to that one hospital. This is ubiquitous in the US.
TV Hospital shows are fabrications. It's nothing like that in reality. There is no team circling around you, making sure you will thrive. That’s left to uninformed families who have to learn about the callous indifference as they go. Fight like hell for your loved ones if they get in a situation like ours. Our story is not an isolated one. The medical system has no one paying attention and no one driving.
My favorite photo of Scott and me. I was 6, he was 8.
I’m a hypnotist and a certified coach. If you’d like my help to advance in a part of your life, the first step is to have a 45 minute consult call to talk about what you want to change and to see if we are a good fit, too.
https://calendly.com/allison_evans/consult-call
I was so very sorry to read this. How horrible it must have been. Thinking of you.